I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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