So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
