its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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