The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The ass gains better be worth it
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