Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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