As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
