after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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