I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
