So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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