Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize