i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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