my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
