I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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