So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I only lived at night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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