Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Small penises have feelings too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
