They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
