I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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