I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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