he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
