he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
