doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
