So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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