Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
