oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
