i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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