Don't make out with my wife yet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
