i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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