i permit you to call me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
