I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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