Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
