Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
