And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
