omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize