I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
