Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
