you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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