Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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