i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
