Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
