So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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