The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
