I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
