He passed out mid-signature
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
