i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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