If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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