Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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