I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
