but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
