theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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