I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize