just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
