he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
