Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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