Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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