hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
