dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
