I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
