i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
