Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
