If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
