In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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