my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
