There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
