i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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