Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
