How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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