A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
