ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
