Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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