Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
