Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
