So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
