omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
