he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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