I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize